a piece of me is gone

my uncle joe died

its so unexpected

and i was so unprepared

i didnt go see his body but im thinking if i dont ill regret it. i dont want my last memory of him to be his dead body something that doesnt even represent a morsel of his live being

he was so full of life so to see his dead body all dressed up like hes really there to me would defy the reality of his leagacy

i just dont kno. he was in my dream he was standing in a doorway tieing his shoes watever that means.

he said something i just dont remember it too much. i wish he was still here its not fair

i loved him

Currently Listening Alright, Still By Lily Allen Smile see related

mad pot

so last nite i smoked with sarah at her house it was like a little get together thing lots of ppl walking in and out it started off me amanda chris kris vin and grace ann then grace comes out of no where then they leave and its me kris and sarah then jayjay and his friend come and hector we smoked like 5 times lol

so ill just get to the funny part okay i was really fucking high so i kinda passed out we we were watching a movie so i wake up and i feel someone touching my leg...then the hand keeps going higher and higher so i was like wtf i look over non shalantly and its hector and im like wtf but at first i didnt do anything because its been a while but then like i was like HOLY shit its fucking hector and sarah would killl meeee

lol so anyway i was like hector get off of me lol but then sarah called me this morning and shes like did u do anything with my brother i was like no i mean he kinda molested me in my sleep but other than that no...she was like oh well me and kris left u down there and we came back down around 5 and my brother was passed out with his face in ur crotch

i was like omg...i had to think back holy shit did i do anything? but i didnt i kno i didnt....lol that woulda been uncomfortable...even tho mommy {sarahs mom} is like dieing for me to like marry hector lolol

Currently Listening Greatest Hits By Journey see related

all done up

and no where to go.

oh well so a lot of shit goin on...planned outr room for wildwood the other nite and went to check out some limos

doin a whole bunch of spending that i dont really have the money for lol i really need to get a third job because im seriously guna go bankrupt because of this crappp. but its worth it because i cant wait for prom

so i called nick tonite and of course she professed his undieing love for me 2 years later its like a fucking broken record. were guna hang out tomoro but honestly im not looking foward to it because i honestly dont want anything with him other than friends...possibly benefits but i kno if we do anything hes guna get attached ...he said he wouldnt but i have a good feeling that its guna end up like that.

im wearing waterproof mascara its guna a fucking bitch cause this shit is like undestructable lol

regents weeeekkk no regents and wat? i told anthony i wanted to hang out with him this week and hes like iight hit me up so i did and he didnt answer me so fuck it. lol i told him lets have a party and hes like at ur house i was like naa at ur house...hes like hell no...so i was like party in ur pants then lol hes like word??? im like yeaaa

and i was serious :X id pipe it in a heart beat <3

getting the hair cut tomoro ahhhhh

2007

Holds a lot of potential.

I have my new years resolutions but im not going to let them define me at this point in my life. Im keeping my eye on the prize but Imn not going to let mistakes bring me down.

Im guna have fun and forget about all the drama. I just want to excell in what I lack success in, I want to shed away the image people have for me and and renew it and make it better. I want a postive self image inside and out.

I really want to stop the envy and the jealousy and the lack of confidence.

I want to ultimately build a self esteem and and air that exudes confidence. Im not going to sweat the little things. Life is just too short.

The boy that im sorta crushing on. Is single and open fortunately. And I feel like hes feelin me...and well only time will tell....and well see.

Its been a while

since Ive used xanga. Its not really my favorite thing anymore partly because no one used this shit anymore

So heres life in a nutshell. I have a job now. I work sleep eat and go to school. My life is boring pretty much. I havent really been smokin lately which makes me sad :( but i guess its a good thing in a way because then im not contributing to the crime and illegal corruption that fills our country. LMAO yea right its just because stephanie wont smoke with me anymore and who smokes pot alone. not me.

I havent really seen sarah in a while that makes me sad. And even though I see steph everyday I still dont feel like I REALLY see her. Not the same anymore and I guess that comes with growing up. Accepting that things will change. I just hope that our friendship doesnt end up like everyother bestfriend Ive had. In the dumps and non-existant.

I got really drunk on friday. Something that rarely happens because A. I dont like drinking too much because im either an emotional drunk or an honest drunk. I was an honest drunk btw. and B. because I feel like shit the next day. Which was a direct result of my drinking when I needed to wake up at fucking 7:30 to get up for stupid ass work.

I GOT MY LISCENCE, But I dont have car insurance and I cant afford it until I get my second job and yea...so Its pretty much just sitting in my wallet being a waste of space. And my car is frequently being driven by my father. Its a '91 pontiac sunbird and its not all that great but its mine and its all I got.

Uhh wat else? hmm....sent in the college apps. yada yada yada... i realized that I dont want a boyfriend I just want wat i had with brian a friend that i can occasionally have sex with and still chill like its nothing. It didnt work in the summer because its not wat i wanted but now it is so now it will work. and i kinda found someone that it would work with but he has a girlfriend...and i kno it wouldnt stop him but i kinda feel bad for the bitch...so yea.

i wont.

but i really wana lol